Whats happended lately

The last few nights I have not been able to gather up a decent amount of sleep. Tossing and turning until the sounds of the creaking bed springs became slightly hypnotic, making me drift for a few moments at a time. Asleep I have been having difficult dreams to swallow followed by daydreams deeper than any canyon. Lately my mind has been restless in every respect. I find myself yearning to understand so much and eagerly volunteering my thoughts on an issue or dispute only to come out sounding like a moron. I end up feeling like one too.

What happened...?


The last couple of weeks I've rediscovered how easy it is to just to get by with the bare minimum of effort. I've had so much, every single day it seems I have been doing something, even if I don’t have plans I haven’t gotten to bed before 1am in two weeks. I've be befriended people who are so godly, but I've also lost sight of Christ I think concentrating maintaining my friendships with these godly people then with Christ.


~~~~~~ Few Days Later~~~~~~~~~~~

I've meant to finish this post a long time ago but I got so tided up. That and I haven’t been sure how to phase how I was feeling and what has gone on. I resolved I needed to stop moping, I recognized I wasn’t giving it all to Christ and I needed to change that ASAP. I have been called to give it all to God, no acceptations everything in my life is His, and its fact I need to enjoy and appreciate. I needed to take a breath though, I just needed a little escape, I just didn’t know when to take it and where to go. Thank you God for Katie. She gave me the way out I needed. Thursday night, totally last minute and spur of the moment, she said she was heading home for the weekend and was wondering if I wanted a ride to my own home. That was exactly what I needed.
I got so much that I needed on that trip and back home:

1. I needed to be around girls for one.
I think if I did not hang out with some girls soon, I was going to kill someone!
I NEED MY ESTRAGEN! DONT JUDGE ME!
haha! But for real, all joking aside, I was near my limit with smelly guys, girls who only seemed to be interested in dating, and I just plane missed my friends and family back home.

2. I needed to hang out with someone totally cemented in Christ, someone who was and strove to be a good role model for others, someone who was smart, I mean like Bible smart.
Katie was that person for me. It was a real pleasure to travel with such a godly young woman. The last few months I have been real deprived to talk to Christians about much Christ related or even anything remotely about Christendom. I've had a lot of fun with my new friends here, but...
It wasn’t quite me. I didn’t feel just quite true to Christ. Why? Sometimes, especially in public, I would wonder how much like Christ my friends and I we're acting and nine times out of ten, I was ashamed. I don’t think we were giving the best impression we could have. I was starting to forget how I should act. Also, I am ashamed to say it has been awhile since I have opened up my Bible for something other than class, maybe a couple of days, the point is I should be giving more to Christ. I should be giving it my all in every respect. Hanging out with Katie was great. Through her I saw what I was missing from the time I gave God to study his word. I saw the wisdom she gained and just how down to earth she was too. Listening to her tell her stories about how God has worked in her life, and what he is doing in her... it was great. A real privilege.

3. I needed to get away.

I am a horrible swimmer. After flailing around for some time, trying to swim, I get so tired and frustrated. That is what it felt like to me. No matter what I said or did, it was like I wasn’t making any progress, but was just splashing around. I was getting so tired and frustrated because of that. I just needed to get out of the pool for a bit and take a breather. I was trying to remember what it felt like to be useful, what it felt like to be looked up to and depended on to get things done, instead of looked at funny for saying something dumb.

I got most everything I needed. I could have budgeted my time a lot better but I am glad that everything that happened, happened.

When I got home, I was able to see everyone that was cheering for me, rooting me on my Journey for Christ, praying for me. I was so moved and convicted that in spite of all the horrible things I have done in my life, in spite of all many ways I have wronged them, they still had faith in me. God has truly privileged me with so much in life, I don’t know why, and it is something I shouldn’t take for granted or take advantage.
That trip really helped me put things in prospective. My mission in life:
To make the Lord my God proud, by doing what he wants me to do, by glorifying Him in every aspect of my life. Everything else is just frosting, really, really good frosting. Life is too short for other things to matter, besides i want to give my entire focus to God.

As Mercy Me says, "There is a reason I'm alive, for a blink of an eye."
So I want to fufill that reason and leave a great legacy to make my family and friends happy, and most of all so Christ, when he sees me can say, " Good Job son, I'm proud of you."

My Day of Fruition

Ever have one of those moments or days where everything seems to come together, everything comes to fruition, it all makes sense and you know that it all testifies to just how far you've gone, to just how much you've grown in Christ? Yeah, today was that day for me.

Hello, my name isn't important, you can call me Rain or Rain Skyward if you wish. I am a young man who has had a very troubling past and for a long time it used to haunt me quit bitterly. I've long since repented those wayward days and rededicated my life to the one true Savior of the human race and headed out on my trek to the heavens above to be with my King, my Christ in his celestial abode. When first the rain would sting the wounds of my painful memories, now like a balm from Gilead it soothes and brings me peace. It is a refreshing reminder to me how Christ poured out his grace on me and washed away my sins and over came me like the mightiest storm. Christ brings me peace like the gently tapping rain on my window.

This morning i had a pretty wicked dream, woke up early because of it. i dont really know for sure what time i woke up since i laid wide awake just thinking about the dream for so long. it was about 5am when i decided to get up and do something about it though. It was a nightmare really, not as bad as some that i've had but it was so sad and scary.

when i woke up, i started to wonder if my sister knew Christ or if she was just going through the motions. i was eaten with conviction because i wasn't sure either way, i did not truly know her testimony.

I sat up in bed and started praying for i don't know how long. i prayed that God would bring her closer to him, that he would use her, that if indeed she wasn't saved as i feared then he would soften her heart so she could her his pleeing whispers.

An other issue that i was reminded of by the dream was church. As a Christian who is striving to become more like Christ, i've been searching for a church where i can be the most useful to him. While i have been looking for one i found many with great preachers who rooted their sermons in the Bible but did not seem to speak or offer help to the lost. i was convicted by this. These godly, passionate preachers we're not mentioning during the service about how one might learn to receive salvation, it hit me that i was doing the same thing. How many times did i ever talk about God to my friends and family, especially in church, and not mention how they could be saved? i could not remember a single time. maybe i didnt want to offend them, or maby i thought that maybe they might already be saved... but was i really sure they were? no, no i wasnt. I was so convicted of the fact that even though i talked about Christ and how he helped me and how he can help them too, i never let them know that Christ is always there for them waiting and that i am here to help lead them to him. I never said that, and my heart burned, convicted of that fact. I prayed that God would help me, forgive me, and lead me to the place he wants me to be.

I wanted to make sure that i was at a church not because they had a cool preaching style but because God wants me to be there. While i was praying, i resolved that i did not know much about what a church exactly was or what the purpose of it was, so i decided to right a very knowledgeable, and respectable theologian for advice and wrote him an email. As i was typing up the email i was in constant prayer, meditating on the fact that God would guide me to the church he wanted me to be at. An unspoken promise he made me this morning to lead me and i will know where i am supposed to be when i get there. I had to rely on God and let him lead me. That is one of the things i still struggle with, letting God lead me. I love the feeling of being led by him, but i find it a bit embarrassing sometimes to be led by him in places i dont want to go and bring him to. God took me on a short field trip today, i think it was to remind me of how much i need him to lead me. I found the church i think i should be at, the preacher practically held up a sign and said all the things i was looking for in a church that God wanted me to be at. As much as i think the Lord wants me there, i am an idiot when it comes to the obvious, so i will continue praying about it to be certain but i think i will attend this church.

I had an amazing day today. I called my sister up today and we had the best conversation we ever had before. i was privileged to hear her story about how she came to know Christ, and how glad i am of that. I never have to wonder again because i know for certain she is saved, her soul secure in Christ. I am so proud and happy of her, i honestly am. she read me a story she wrote for her english class about how proud she is of me and how she looks up to me. God, i pray you let me stay esteemed in my sisters' eyes. Help me stay esteemed in my mother's eyes as well. God most of all, make me esteemed in yours, make me make you proud.

I am so privileged to have the opportunities that i do, so grateful for each and everyone of them. I am so grateful for every one that crosses my path and hope to learn so much from them, and maybe help grow in you Christ. I hope i can help others grow too.

Well thats pritty much my day in a nutshell. I am really grateful for it. I feel like iv hit a point in my life that i have finally made some progress on my walk with God. I feel like i just cleared a hill and i am looking back at the city below, its so beautiful. I am not the young man i once was, Jesus reminds me of that everyday, and i am greatful.