Whats happended lately

The last few nights I have not been able to gather up a decent amount of sleep. Tossing and turning until the sounds of the creaking bed springs became slightly hypnotic, making me drift for a few moments at a time. Asleep I have been having difficult dreams to swallow followed by daydreams deeper than any canyon. Lately my mind has been restless in every respect. I find myself yearning to understand so much and eagerly volunteering my thoughts on an issue or dispute only to come out sounding like a moron. I end up feeling like one too.

What happened...?


The last couple of weeks I've rediscovered how easy it is to just to get by with the bare minimum of effort. I've had so much, every single day it seems I have been doing something, even if I don’t have plans I haven’t gotten to bed before 1am in two weeks. I've be befriended people who are so godly, but I've also lost sight of Christ I think concentrating maintaining my friendships with these godly people then with Christ.


~~~~~~ Few Days Later~~~~~~~~~~~

I've meant to finish this post a long time ago but I got so tided up. That and I haven’t been sure how to phase how I was feeling and what has gone on. I resolved I needed to stop moping, I recognized I wasn’t giving it all to Christ and I needed to change that ASAP. I have been called to give it all to God, no acceptations everything in my life is His, and its fact I need to enjoy and appreciate. I needed to take a breath though, I just needed a little escape, I just didn’t know when to take it and where to go. Thank you God for Katie. She gave me the way out I needed. Thursday night, totally last minute and spur of the moment, she said she was heading home for the weekend and was wondering if I wanted a ride to my own home. That was exactly what I needed.
I got so much that I needed on that trip and back home:

1. I needed to be around girls for one.
I think if I did not hang out with some girls soon, I was going to kill someone!
I NEED MY ESTRAGEN! DONT JUDGE ME!
haha! But for real, all joking aside, I was near my limit with smelly guys, girls who only seemed to be interested in dating, and I just plane missed my friends and family back home.

2. I needed to hang out with someone totally cemented in Christ, someone who was and strove to be a good role model for others, someone who was smart, I mean like Bible smart.
Katie was that person for me. It was a real pleasure to travel with such a godly young woman. The last few months I have been real deprived to talk to Christians about much Christ related or even anything remotely about Christendom. I've had a lot of fun with my new friends here, but...
It wasn’t quite me. I didn’t feel just quite true to Christ. Why? Sometimes, especially in public, I would wonder how much like Christ my friends and I we're acting and nine times out of ten, I was ashamed. I don’t think we were giving the best impression we could have. I was starting to forget how I should act. Also, I am ashamed to say it has been awhile since I have opened up my Bible for something other than class, maybe a couple of days, the point is I should be giving more to Christ. I should be giving it my all in every respect. Hanging out with Katie was great. Through her I saw what I was missing from the time I gave God to study his word. I saw the wisdom she gained and just how down to earth she was too. Listening to her tell her stories about how God has worked in her life, and what he is doing in her... it was great. A real privilege.

3. I needed to get away.

I am a horrible swimmer. After flailing around for some time, trying to swim, I get so tired and frustrated. That is what it felt like to me. No matter what I said or did, it was like I wasn’t making any progress, but was just splashing around. I was getting so tired and frustrated because of that. I just needed to get out of the pool for a bit and take a breather. I was trying to remember what it felt like to be useful, what it felt like to be looked up to and depended on to get things done, instead of looked at funny for saying something dumb.

I got most everything I needed. I could have budgeted my time a lot better but I am glad that everything that happened, happened.

When I got home, I was able to see everyone that was cheering for me, rooting me on my Journey for Christ, praying for me. I was so moved and convicted that in spite of all the horrible things I have done in my life, in spite of all many ways I have wronged them, they still had faith in me. God has truly privileged me with so much in life, I don’t know why, and it is something I shouldn’t take for granted or take advantage.
That trip really helped me put things in prospective. My mission in life:
To make the Lord my God proud, by doing what he wants me to do, by glorifying Him in every aspect of my life. Everything else is just frosting, really, really good frosting. Life is too short for other things to matter, besides i want to give my entire focus to God.

As Mercy Me says, "There is a reason I'm alive, for a blink of an eye."
So I want to fufill that reason and leave a great legacy to make my family and friends happy, and most of all so Christ, when he sees me can say, " Good Job son, I'm proud of you."